


Of Atheists and Grim Reapers

by DrJackAndMissIole



Series: afterlife marauders [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Afterlife, Afterlife reunion, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Bad Puns, Battle of Hogwarts, Force Bond (Star Wars), Frank and Alice Longbottom, Harry Potter - Freeform, Humor, M/M, Marauders, Mentions of Sex, Regulus Black - Freeform, Severus Snape - Freeform, Sirius and james are nerds and adorable, mentions of - Freeform, mild swearing, reunin, there's the death of a major character but in a nice way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13460157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrJackAndMissIole/pseuds/DrJackAndMissIole
Summary: Sequel to 'Not even death can keep us apart'Wolfstar edition2nd May 1998. Remus Lupin is dead.As usual, the person that one loves most, that is also conveniently dead, gets to pick them up form the 'Train Station'The only problem? Remus does not believe it.





	Of Atheists and Grim Reapers

**Author's Note:**

> *Disclaimer*  
> I do not own the Harry Potter franchise nor anything related to the group of people called 'The Marauders'  
> I just happen to have a lot of feelings for them  
> Big thanks to Mels  
> enjoy and don't forget to comment!

“I still think that a nice left hook would be much more effective than a blocking spell. Whoever said that ‘good guys’ shouldn’t use that technique is a real dumbass.”

“For you, since you know how to throw a hook and you are left-handed, but Remus is right-handed and never been the best fighter. However, he was the best in charms class and in DADA class”

“The smartass taught your kid how to conjure a patronus, I’d say he’s more than the best. Also, stop hitting me with facts, Evans, I’m watching my boyfriend kick ass.”

“Pads, you’re watching your boyfriend’s ass. And stop calling Lily Evans, she married me for fuck’s sake! She’s been part of the Potter family for more than nineteen years.”

“Yeah, I remember the day: I’ve never made as many deer and stag related puns in one sitting. It was exhausting! Still, I don’t know why you choose this loser over me, Lils. I mean, I kinda get it. I’m a little gay for James here...”

“Padfoot you’re actively gay for everything!”

“SHUT UP PRONGS. James’ also a hottie, so that I understand, but mate, I am Sirius Orion Black, I’m hotter.”

We all laugh at my cocky remark and everything’s nice. I mean, we’re all pretty dead and our bodies are rotting in a coffin and it’s actually quite depressing and disgusting to think about. But it’s nice, ya know? I was reunited with my best mate, his a-dork-able wife and my lazy little brother. I also got to punch ol’  Al-sshole Shittledore on the teeth when he died a year back, and Oh Man, wasn’t that glorious!

I’m enjoying being dead. Of course, I have to stay away from my loved ones, but I also get to stay with my loved ones. And one day my alive loved ones are gonna become dead loved ones and we’re gonna enjoy eternity here together.

Also, the popcorn is always crispy and salty, I don’t have to keep a count of my calories ‘cause I’m gonna remain like this forever, and we have a perfect window on the living world where we can keep up with our living ones. And by ‘we’ I mean me, Prongs and Lily, ‘cause everyone who wants to peek-a-boo on earth has their personal HD screen. Has HD already been invented on Earth? Nope, but here we have the exclusive. On our screen it also gives every TV show and film that’s already out and there’s a library full of all the books that have been written since the invention of writing. Amazing, right? That’s Heaven for you: making you happy since the beginning of time.

“Tonks’ pretty good. That girl’s got character.”

“That’s the Black in her, we’ve all got character.”  
“Well, yeah, Regulus has tons of it. Maybe that’s why you have none, he took all that was in your house.”  
“Says the pot to the kettle.”

“Padfoot you wound me!”

I am perfectly aware that we are grown up men.

I am perfectly aware that one of us is a father and a respectable person and the other was accused of mass murder and imprisoned unfairly.

I am perfectly aware of this all. Do I care though? Not much actually.

At his remark, I take out of my pocket a real sword and poke him with it. He answers by making a lightsaber appear out of thin air.

How is it possible, many would ask. I was also perplexed the first time I saw something like this happen. Apparently one can make any kind of thing appear here in Heaven, as long as he doesn’t try to arm other souls. I’m not going to decapitate James with my sword and he’s not going to cut my arm off with his. If an accident happens, well, who cares, we can’t really be hurt in here. But still, it’s the thought that counts.

After a few seconds battling heroically with my very old fashioned sword, it gets melted down by James’ lightsaber, so I choose a different kind of weapon. Han Solo’s blaster’s pretty cool in my hands. James’ good with that thing, though, so he dodges all my bullets. We are metaphorically fighting for our lives, while Lily just sits there, watching the screen intensely. It had moved from the original view on the battle and now it’s showing Harry.

He’s collecting Snivellus’ memories from his tears. He’s telling our boy something, but we are too occupied to listen to him. Lily isn’t and she catches every single word. She abruptly gets up and declares to no one in particular: “Excuse me for a moment, but I have some business to attend in the entrance. Probably his mother is going to take him over here, but I still want to throw Severus a proper welcome fucking party. What a shame Frank and Alice are not here, though. We could’ve thrown it together.”, and as simple as that she leaves. 

James and I stop with our toys mid-air. Before dying, Lily thought about reuniting with that loser and actually forgiving him, but after seeing what he did to Harry and how badly he treated his students, especially sweet Neville Longbottom, she changed her mind. Now, she has murder in her eyes. And she just swore seriously.

Lily Evans Potter isn’t exactly a saint when it comes to bad words, but there are certain variations in her tone when she swears: playful notes when she does it lightly, jokingly; raging ones whenever she bumps into furniture or she messes something up; and then there’s the serious tone.

The serious tone is icy and scary. It means trouble of the worst kind, it’s the stuff nightmares are made. I, in my wonderful existence, have witnessed many scary things, I also have died which is pretty scary per se, but nothing compares to hearing Lily Evans Potter swearing in her serious tone. She’s such a sweet and precious woman, but she could murder someone bare hands, while this person sleeps, without blinking an eye.  My suggestion? If you ever cross her, run. Run ‘cause your life depends on it, run like you have a freaking hellhound chasing you. Also stay awake, ‘cause no place is safe.

Don’t come complaining with me, ‘cause I warned you.

Anyway. The screen goes back to the battle, and there’s light and dust and ruins everywhere. Hogwarts is destroyed and this wound will not heal fast.

“Mate, that’s bad.”, James says and I can’t help but agree. There is a lot of commotion in the Great Hall. Apparently the fighting has stopped and Riddle is giving time to organize and bury their dead, or something. I wasn’t exactly paying attention. I’m sure that if they’ll ever made a movie about the Second Great Wizard War, they’ll talk about this scene, but right now no one is repeating what the Dark Lord said, so we pretty much missed all of his glorious speech.

There are sleeping bags and covers all over the floor. They all cover something, _someone_ , and next to them there are people weeping. Looking devastated, with puffy eyes, runny noses, gross sobs escaping their throats. Panic swells over me. This is not happening. Both James and I watch intensely the screen, taking everything we can in. This is not happening.

And then we see it. First, her bright shiny hair, covered in dirt. She looks like she’s sleeping. Peaceful. Her right arm is linked with his left’s. He also looks like he’s asleep. Like one of those many nights we shared together, when I got out of a bad dream and he was there, eyes closed, head tilted towards me or resting on my chest. He uses, _used_ , to breathe through his mouth when he sleeps. Slept. I remember stroking lightly his hair, brushing them out of his face. I remember kissing the tip of his nose, his cheek, his head, softly, without waking him. And then I usually went back to sleep, more comfortable than before, happier than before.

He just looks like he is sleeping, but his chest doesn’t rise as air gets in. No one is at his side.

Both of us scan the room for Harry, just as he arrives. Ron runs towards his brother, and Harry and Hermione follow him.

No one rushes to his dead body. No one is grieving him with puffy eyes, except for us. There are too many to mourn tonight, and he is left alone. His son his far away from this hell-hole and his best friend’s son is grieving for another one. Because Fred was a friend to Harry. He was a professor and then a friend to him. And so they all left him alone, them alone. They’ll come back later, when the tears stop and the voices break. At the moment, only this two fools up here are mourning for him, and it’s alright.

He was one of us. And now he simply stopped being. Stopped living. I just wish I was there, to destroy whoever did this to him. To ruin them as they are ruining me. I wish to make them scream in pain, with tears streaming down their faces. For my love died tonight, and the world shan’t keep spinning.

“Sirius”. James snaps me out of my thoughts. “You should go.”

“His mother, or Tonks, you even. Can you go? I don’t know how to reach the door, Prongs.”

“Just let yourself be lead. And no, I can’t go, Tonks just got here and I don’t know what his mother is doing. But if I know one thing, is that you’re the one who should pick him up.”

“Isn’t there supposed to be a grim reaper who gets paid to do this shit?”

“Nah, you’re good to go.”

“Mate, your best friend just died! How can you be this cheerful?!”. I am absolutely shocked. Outraged! When I got here he was also laughing. I can’t believe the man in front of me: he has the audacity of _laughing_ , for fuck’s sake!

Hold on a bloody second....

“I can see the gears move in your head. Let them spin slower, otherwise your whole brain will combust. You get why I’m so cheerful? Now be a good boy and go fetch, Padfoot.”

“Sod off, you prat!”

We’re both laughing now and he flips me the bird jokingly as I leave. I blow him a kiss and call it a day.

I can’t believe it. He is really here, dead and in the afterlife, hopefully waiting for me to pick him up.  James said to ‘let myself be lead’, like it’s easy peasy lemon squeezy. 

Well it’s difficult difficult lemon difficult. There are no frigging doors, not a single sign. I was right on my first day here: a map would’ve been nice. And, also, if there truly is a grim reaper who gets paid for this, he should be doing his job, instead of having _poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need_ , picking up loved ones just ‘cause he is a bloody wanker. He? Is the grim reaper a he or a she? Or a it? Them? Are there more than one?

What the actual fuck Sirius! First of all, this is not the appropriate moment for such thoughts. Second of all, how the hell did I get here? I didn’t realize I was walking into a proper direction, but now that I’m standing in front of a closed curtain, my suspicions are rising.

Whatever, I don’t care to know how I got here. All that matters is, who am I going to find on the other side?

“Oh bloody hell. THIS IS NOT FAIR. YOU HEARD ME.”

My heart leaps, threatening to escape my chest. I don’t think I’m able to move, ‘cause if I do I might just melt in a puddle of Black stuff on the floor. But I must, so I move the curtain aside and slip in, smoothly as a panther. I am a ninja. A flawless ninja.

I trip over my shoelaces, cause a lot of commotion. Remus turns around abruptly and sees me, all majestic and ruffled up, pink cheeks covered in an embarrassing blush. I get up as quickly as I can, also falling over again. Why is that, whenever Remus is near, my body stops working and I get all mushy inside?

However, whereas I find it extremely embarrassing and am contemplating about going and hide behind a rock, he also has the audacity of laughing.

“What is so funny? Not long ago, James laughed at me, now you! _Tu quoque!”_

 _“_ Are you saying that I just stabbed you in the chest? ‘Cause I don’t remember doing any of that.”

“I’m pretending to understand all that stuff you just said. I was speaking Latin, though you should know already.”  
“I have to say, I’m impressed. Now, I’ll be much more impressed if this wasn’t just an imagination and my loved Sirius had just spoke Latin. Now, please, tell me: how does this work?”

What the actual fuck? “Pardon?”

I don’t know but I always found it hard to curse around Remus when he had that pensive look on his face.

“Well, I assume you are here to collect me, am I right?”

I can only nod ‘yes’ and urge him to continue, and so he does.

“Really? Is this your strategy, sir? I thought that your kind had the job to explain what happens on this side after the souls leave their bodies, and yet here we are! Do I have to figure it all out by myself?”

Shock runs me over again and my face must have assumed a disbelieving expression, since Remus looks puzzled. No, okay, he wasn’t puzzled. He was pissed. “Is this a fucking joke?”, his voice begins raising in rage.

“I assure, Moony, I’m not joking.”

“Oh please! Get that innocent face off and reveal yourself. Stop pretending to be someone you’re not. You’re a Grim Reaper, act like a fucking one!”

“I again assure you, Remus, I’m not a Grim Reaper. Pretty sure those things don’t exist. At least, they do not get souls here.”

“Then what exactly are you?”

“Ya know, I had some time to think about this reunion thing between us, and in my head it went completely differently. I imagined you, running toward me with your arms stretched out, ready to be swept off your feet.”

“You’re doing a really great impression of him, but I know Sirius too well. You can’t fool me. And also you can’t fool me with this ‘Heaven’ shit. I’m an atheist, for fuck’s sake!”

Remus cursing was incredibly hot. Can’t picture it? Here I’ll help:

Think of the hottest person you know, it doesn’t matter the gender or age or anything. Just picture them in your mind.

Now think of them pushing you against a bloody wall while whispering profanities into your bloody hear as their hands roam on your body.

Can you do it? Well, then you will agree with me that every other time said person curses, the temperature of the room rises about  10.000 degrees.

“I am Sirius Fucking Black and I know pretty well that you’re an atheist, but this place is real.” I say back at his accuse.

“And I used to FUCK SIRIUS BLACK. I HAVE MY FACTS ALL COLLECTED. And also, I understand this place is real, I just don’t believe in this ‘thing’”

“And I USED TO FUCK YOU SO STOP PRETENDING I DON’T KNOW YOU ASSHOLE”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT, I JUST MEANT THAT YOUR DOING A NICE INTERPETRATION OF HIM but I still can’t be fooled, cause all this afterlife think is a trick and I’m going to get rebirth. Also, don’t show me the way, I’ll find it on my own.”

Remus has the audacity to walk away from me, moving closer towards the exit doors.

“I don’t understand.” Three simple words that escape from my mouth without my consent. They’re away and they stop him, making him turn away. They were so desperate and sounded it too.

“I don’t understand. I came here to greet you to your new life and you don’t see it. You think I am a sort of illusion, or someone else disguised as me, trying to fool you. But why would anyone fool a dead man? There is no reason to lie, because once here, you begin to know everything. So, look inside that pretty brain of yours and see if I’m telling you the truth.”

“Psychology won’t help you with me. I get it, I’m dead and you will take me to the other side, right?”

I take a deep breath. Remus can be so stubborn at times.

Once we were at a Chinese restaurant just down the corner of the street we used to live before things went to shit. I tried to eat with my wand, cause I had seen other do the same, and he almost bit my head off, not exactly explaining anything just because he was pissed at me.

Okay, maybe things didn’t go exactly like this, but the point it clear.

He is sometimes difficult to deal with. Totally worth, yes. But extremely difficult. Especially when he doesn’t understand something.

Like right now.

“Yes, Remus. You’re dead and I’ll take you to the other side. To James and Lily and all the others.”

“What about Sirius?”

**I AM STANDING RIGHT INFRONT OF YOU ASSHOLE.**

“I am literally standing in front of you, Remus. Would you please tell me what you don’t understand?”

“You’re a Reaper?”

Sirius, count to ten. Take another deep breath.

“I am indeed not. Those things don’t exist. Now, please tell me what you don’t understand, cause I’m getting fucking pissed at you, mate.”

“I don’t get it. We never found your body. You just disappeared. That’s why I don’t think you’re really dead. For all I know you could be alive on the other side of the Earth with another man keeping you company.”

“Your jealous flatters me, but no. I’ve been dead all along. I’ve been here patiently waiting for you.”

Remus looks down at his shoes and carefully examines them. He is realizing everything and accepting it all.

“Aren’t you angry at me? For Tonks and everything.”

“I actually shipped you two a lot. I was happy seeing you happy, even though it wasn’t with me. But now we’re together and everything’s fine.”

He gets his puzzled expression on his face again.

“ _Shipped_?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a word from the future. Kids will use it later.”

He doesn’t seem convinced, but this is not the most important thing right now.

It is freezing in here for fuck’s sake.

“Could we move to the next step, Moony? I’m freezing.”

“You forgot your leather jacket to come and pick me up?”

“Actually yes, it’s your fault.”

I smile at him and he smiles back.

“Are you ready, Moony?”

He moves closer.                                                                                                       

“As long as you’re with me every step of the way, Padfoot.”

 


End file.
